Collected references from Olivia Laing, The Garden Against Time

Derek Jarman's garden

Rosa Mundi

Cedric Morris, Spring Flowers (1923)

Iris Benton Olive

Eliot Hodgkin, St Paul’s and St Mary Aldermanbury from St Swithin’s Churchyard (1945)

Nigella Mrs Jekyll 

Sheila Heti, Motherhood

When I borrow books from my father, I inevitably have to contend with his notes and underlining and navigate which passages resonate with me because of my own reading, or because he has marked them before me - a fitting comtemplation given the themes of Heti's incredible book, Motherhood, and how imperative it is for the narrator/Heti to establish her own importance, purpose, desires, legacy. 

This passage resonated with my teenage self:

I loved this book - particularly how it holds nuance and conflict and allows multiple things to be true, including both ugly and tender thoughts about one's life and the lives of others. The narrator's internal dialogue (not monologue!) and questioning, the back and forth, the using of coin tosses to answer profound and consequential questions reminds me so much of conversations with female friends and the amount of analysis that goes into decisions and life changes as well as just the need to formulate one's own perspective and take, whether or not action ensues. 

I found the following passage provoking, especially the denoting of having children or becoming a mother as 'submitting to nature' and choosing not to as 'resisting nature'. My own version of this binary thinking takes the form of 'domestic' vs 'fiery' as they both apply to 'Jess' (always in third person) - my conclusions (if I could be said to have any) are merely that this is not made of simple stuff, and often we don't choose one or another but are always both, moving from one version to another throughout any period of time. 

Sheffield Doc Fest 2024

More films I enjoyed at Sheffield Doc Fest! 

1. The Boy with the Suit of Lights

2. Light Darkness Light 

3. The Contestant 

Books I've enjoyed recently

The Mother of All Lies (2023) at Sheffield Doc Fest

The exquisite film, The Mother of All Lies, directed by Asmae El Moudir, premiered in the UK this week at Sheffield Doc Fest. 

Set in Morocco, and using incredible miniature clay figurines and a replica of her childhood neighbourhood in Casablanca crafted by her father, El Moudir tells the story of her family and community during the 1981 Bread Riots when many were killed or imprisoned. Along with her father, she invites her mother, grandmother and two former neighbours to revisit this moment, share their memories, and possibly to heal from their trauma. Moving between the space this group occupies for what appears to be an extended period of voluntary togetherness and cohabitation where the miniatures are created (what El Moudir has called an atelier or laboratory) and the world of the miniatures themselves, powerful storytelling ensues. 

El Moudir opens her narrative with an evocative personal anecdote of the forbidding of all family photographs by her oppressive, dictatorial grandmother (referring to her as a neighbourhood customs officer), matriarch and ruler of their household. She recounts the night of her childhood rebellion - without any photographs of herself (and by extension, for her, without her own memories) El Moudir sneaks out of her house to the photo centre to have her picture taken against the 90s in vogue Hawaiian background, hiding and keeping this photograph for herself.